Adoption

As Daddy and I were watching an amazing baptism service at Church today, and let me take a minute to tell you how we do baptism at our church it is so awesome! We have a baptism tub in the center stage and people come forward to give their testimony and share how they came to know Jesus, then the people who helped the person come to know Christ are by their side as they are baptised, today a whole family was on stage and a father and mother helped baptise their daughter... Oh how amazing is that! I can not wait until the day all three of our children come to know and accept Jesus Christ as their Savior and start on the journey of their relationship with Him and I can't wait to be by their side through this experience!
Back to the service, as anyone who has read this blog knows I deeply regret the decision that Daddy and I made to have a vasectomy and that we have been praying about a reversal...
As we were watching the baptism a father and mother and 5 grown children came up with their daughter, she is a worker in the nursery with Lily, her name is Christin Joy, I have had the opportunity to meet with her a few times... She appears to be a little mentally challenged but fully functioning, so although she excepted Christ as her Savior sometime ago she had not gotten baptised. Her father came and started to speak about how, many years ago, his youngest son started to pray for a sister and how little did they know out in Arizona a woman was having a child and was unable to care for her, and at only 2 months of age Christin Joy came to be a part of their family, he went on to say how much she has added to their family and what a joy she is! Well of course miss water works myself was a mess, it is very emotional to be a part of anyone's spiritual journey. As a sat listening my stomach kind of flipped a bit, I really felt like God was speaking to my heart, is this the plan he has for us? I have to admit adoption is scary for me, I believe with all my heart it is one of the most giving sacrificial acts any couple can make. Within only seconds of feeling like God was speaking right to me, doubt started to creep in with thoughts of a child with horrible mental problems and worse, at which time God reminded me he does not give us a spirit of fear but a sound mind and also we are to think on thing that are pure and true, noble, just, pure of good report, having virtue or anything praise worthy... One reason I think that adoption is scary for me is that I as many people do struggle with selfishness I have thought about adoption before only to push it out of my mind because I don't want a child to look for its biological parents after I have given them a home and loved them... How SELFISH is that! I am just being honest, but today was different, I know that no matter what my three children want in life I will try with Gods help to aid them in. I would go to the end of the world for my kids! I was so moved that I went to Daddy and asked him to pray with me right in the parking lot, we prayed that God would use us 100% that we would never hold anything back from God we both desire from the bottom of our heart to be fully and whole heartily used by God for the work of Jesus Christ. I am not sure what will happen next only God knows, what I do know is that I was meant to be a mother and Jay was meant to be a father and that three children are not enough for me I feel we have way to much to offer, and I also know if somewhere in the country or even in this world God has a child for us I want to give that child a chance a chance to grow in a family where Daddy and Mommy love each other where we love our children no matter what and where they get to know about Jesus everyday, and even if someday they would want to know about biological parents I want to be selfless enough to go with them and thank this person for blessing us with their child. I am continuing to pray for Gods will and not mine in this plan. I know for sure that God tells us the plans he has for us are to prosper us and not to harm us to give us a hope and a future, I love that verse it is a verse to really meditate on to really know God is in control. So what ever we do if it is the will of God it will be good and add much happiness to our family.