Wednesday night

Last Saturday my sweet friend "K" came over to help me paint our kitchen (the kitchen is being remodeled and it in total disaster mode) I think in the 3 years that "K" and I have been best friends we have only ever been alone (with out 5-6 kids running around) one time.  Saturday we had it all planned out my mom watched my 3 and her mother in law watched her older children.  

Let me go back a bit further, when HD had his vasectomy reversal  the day we to fly out to TX "K" called me at the airport and she told me she was pregnant.  WOW I really at that moment thought of all the things we could do pregnant together, I would be a liar if I said that over the 9 months she was pregnant and I was still not that jealously crept in from time to time.

Now that little "H" is here he is such a joy!  In the last few months I however have felt so much pain by not being pregnant  that I have almost tried to distance myself from this little baby who if we wouldn't have been willing to share our story of pain and struggle after realizing that we had made a horrible mistake would not be here today, see "K" and her husband "Z" we going to have a vasectomy when we met them and our story touched their heart and now we have baby "H".  

Last Saturday as we sipped coffee and talked I held baby "H" and I told my sweet friend that I was so sorry because I have tried not to hold this little blessing because of the deep pain I feel in my heart....  She said she knew why I didn't hold him so much.  I was surprised because I thought I had done a good job of not talking about wanting a baby, I really don't want to be "That woman the woman who wants a baby bla bla bla"  I held baby "H" and just sobbed my sweet friend sobbed with me.  My heart was broken my heart is broken.  I told her how I try not to talk about it, that so many well meaning Christian friend have so many options about my fertility that its hard to talk about in small group or Sunday school.  I am tired of being told maybe you need to adopt or maybe God doesn't want you to have more children.  "K" encouraged me to talk to our small group to be real with them.  I felt healing start as I loved on this little baby, that day I decided I was not going to miss out on "H" being a baby because each time I have to hand him back I want to die inside, no I was going to love on this baby, I was going to let go and let God use me as part of his life.

Wednesday night on our way to church I asked HD to ask everyone to pray for us, I didn't want to do it I didn't want to cry I didn't want any opinions (although I myself always have one, hmmm that's not really fair is it).  When it was my turn to give prayer requests I asked for everyone to help us get our kitchen done and various things that were of no real importance to me and at the very last I asked for prayer for HD and I to have a baby, I did say that this was really hard for us and that I was struggling as soon as I started to get choked up I stopped talking.  At that point a very Godly man who is also a Prosecuting Attorney asked me a question I was afraid might be asked he asked me very kindly how do you know God wants you to have more children,  this story I had never shared with our group, I have a hard time talking about it its painful, I like to be the happy one in the room not the grieving one not the one ready to cry the moment the mention of a baby comes up, I want to be the life of the party....

So with apprehension I started to talk.  I told our group how with our first child we found out I had an infertility disease and might never have children but after 2 years of pain and fertility drugs we were blessed with our son Luke.  I told how when we were visiting Chicago we went to a prayer meeting and out of the blue a pastor came to me and asked if he could pray for me that pastor changed our life that day, he told us "God is going to heal your womb"  and I told our group that at that very moment I saw a silhouette of 4 children, I told our group how I was healed and had our next 2 children with no problem.  At this point I was really struggling to talk I felt not only a knot in my throat but a knot in my heart.  I told our group how when our baby girl was only 6 months old I was at Sams club and with a 4 year old who started throwing up a 2 year old who fell out of the cart and an infant who just had a blowout in her diaper, I made a call to the doctor and scheduled HD's vasectomy from the parking lot, I shared how we didn't ask God we did it, I pushed HD to do it.  I shared with this group how I carry the guilt of killing our 4th child, the guilt of ending the lives of the children God wanted for us.

I went on and shared how very quickly after his vasectomy I knew how wrong I had been not only for wanting HD to have a vasectomy but for pushing him to do it, not letting HD lead our family.  I told how I then asked and begged for over 6 months for HD to have a reversal, and how one day late summer he pulled the car over after one of my tearful begging sessions and HD told me never to ask him again he was so over it, he had a very painful surgery because I wanted him to, he has given in and done alot of things I have wanted him to but not this time. He was happy with the 3 children we had he wanted me to focus on them and never to ask him again as long as we lived!  I didn't ever ask again, I prayed, I prayed that God would change MY heart and take away the desire to have more children or change HD's heart.  Six months later HD came to me and told me God has changed my heart and I want to have children with you, we were wrong, he explained that he was happy with our 3 children but he knew that I would always miss the child God showed us on that day may years before, he explained how he would be happy with our family if it was 3 kids or 4 kids or more, he felt blessed....  so as you know we had the reversal and after 15 months we are still not pregnant.  

As I told our story every face in the room changed, I do not know what the opinions of this group were before I told this story but I do know after I was done they too knew that God's plan was for us to have more children.  I am very thankful for this Godly man who asked some questions, that he really wanted to understand why I was asking for prayer why I felt so sure, it's easy to have surface prayers and not really share when you have shame and quilt, its hard to open up and admit that some days you don't want to get out of bed, its hard to admit that you only act like the life of the party, you are really hurting inside.  At that point something very amazing happened the whole reason for this post.

Our leader stood up and asked HD and I to come to the middle of the room and let everyone place hands on us and pray.  I can not tell you how humbled I felt, we came to the middle of this group and with open hearts they took turns praying for us, praying for God to wipe away the lies Satan has put in my head about not being a good enough mother, the lies that we won't have children again, the lies that I am not good enough lies I didn't really realize I had been believing.  They prayed and plead with the Lord on our behalf, I felt like with each tear that fell, the pain eased, I felt with each tear that fell I gave God control.

I realized that over the last 15 months I have always tried to be in control, I have wanted to have a child like right now because our kids are getting older and I have always had a plan I have spent very little time really wanted Gods time.  I really today feel free, I feel like I am so blessed with the 3 children I have and I really want Gods time, it is perfect.  I feel lighter, I know there will be days I will feel guilty but I will remember I am not I am forgiven.

We are so blessed with our church family, we are blessed with a church who believes in the power of prayer we are blessed with Godly men who will ask questions to make sure your heart is in the right place, we have a teaching and preaching staff who teach biblical principals.  HD and I left our group knowing God is going to continue to bless this family.  We are a blessed family.

I do not know when God will give us the desire of our hearts I don't even know how, but I do know we are open, if its our own child or an adopted child, we are open, we are not in control Thank God....

An award for me

I found this morning that I had been honored with an award.  An award for being an open and honest blogger.  Thank you so much Amanda for thinking of me.  I love this blog, I love how I feel like I can share anything with you guys and I have friends listening.  I feel free to share openly here.  I am grateful!  

With this award I am to share 10 facts about me.  I am also to share this award with 5 other bloggers.

Fact 1~ This last few months have been the hardest time of my life.  I have never really experienced grief and to be honest it sucks!  I have not been myself lately, not that I am unhappy just not myself, I even think I might be slightly suffering from the big D (depression).

Fact 2~ I have found that I have issues with rain, I know you all already know that I hate the rain well I not only hate the rain, I'm not so fond of the winter either, that being said maybe it's seasonal depression boy I hate that word Depression I don't think I am depressed I am truly happy inside lets say I am just a bit off....  That sounds like off my rocker, lets say I want to stay in my pj's all day and eat cookies and macaroni and cheese and watch TV with the kids.

Fact 3~ I always put my makeup on before I fix my hair, I do this because no matter how pretty my hair is, it's not right without makeup.

Fact 4~  On occasion I find a recipe I like, I change a few ingredients add a few things and call it my own...

Fact 5~ I am madly in love with my husband, he jokes and says if I could fold you up and put you in my pocket you would be a very happy woman....  I believe it's true.

Fact 6~ I don't like to be alone.  I love having the house full of people.  Maybe that's why I want more kids, so the house is full.  

Fact 7~ I talk to strangers, I make small talk with people ever where I go, I will tell people how nice a sweater looks or how pretty a color of nail polish is,   HD will say who is that, I will say I don't know and he just shakes his head, because he does not talk to strangers.

Fact 8~ I have been on a diet for the last 20 years, really TWENTY YEARS!  I started drinking slim fast when I was 10.  I have always went up and down with my weight.  I am currently 18 pounds over weight.  I just ate a slim fast breakfast bar.  I do WW, I try really hard to stay slim and then it rains and I eat cookies and macaroni and cheese.  If we move to AZ I will me very skinny.

Fact 9~ I didn't realize home schooling your children was like going to work full time.  The laundry piles up the floor needs vacuumed for day's and it is left undone because I now have a full time job along with all my other responsibilities.   It takes many hours a day to home school, it's hard work, it takes planing and organization.  It is a job.  It is also the most rewarding  job I have ever done.

Fact 10~ I love to sing,  I used to sing in school, I took first place in competition for the State of Ohio in the 9th grade.  I have sang in church choir, I have even lead worship in a church plant for a short time while we were settling in.  In that time I loved the attention, and in being honest with you I will tell you all, that I started not even hearing the words, I no longer praised God with my voice and my words let alone with my heart but longed for the next compliment.  I sadly no longer have a voice, my singing voice is gone.  When I sing or try to sing I can't hit the notes, and then I start to have an asthma attack.  Some times at church I will start to sing an nothing comes out at all, I am left listening to the words and really letting them penetrate my heart.  I have learned a really wonderful lesson, my voice was a gift from God, someday he may give it back but for now I am happy to listen.

 

I would now like to give this award to 5 woman who I feel are truly honest with thier blogging.

I want to award Linda at Growin' with it, Linda is very honest she touches me with her life all the time.

Wilma at Little Toes and Cheerio's is not only my cousin in law but a very funny honest blogger.

Twice Blessed Mommy is my Aunt and very best friend in the world, she has had more put on her plate in the last 2 years than anyone I know she has a lot to share with us all.

Kristen at We Are THAT Family is one of my first blog friends, I love her blog and she is very honest, I can't wait to read some new facts about her.

Giovanna at Giovanna Diaries is a very honest blogger, she is so sweet I love having her as  blog and a facebook friend!

Sincerely Fro Me To You ~ Thanksgiving

Over the last few years I have had so much to be Thankful for!  We prayed and prayed for God to bless us with a daughter, and he did.  We have 3 healthy children.  We have been really blessed to have our family travel to be with us almost every other year.  HD's brother Zack and his wife Jess come with my niece and nephew.  My sil and I have grown into such great friends, she is one of my best friends in the world and when anything good or bad happens in my life she is one of the first people I think of, one of the first people I call.  She is a great support in my life and I am so Thankful that God blessed Zack with her, I am sure most people have civil relationships with their sil's but I love Jess deeply and she is such a wonderful part of our family.  These pictures were taken on Thanksgiving 2005.

We had a very small Thanksgiving in 2006, we stayed home and had our friends the "D" family come for dinner, they have 3 boy and one little girl.  I am very Thankful for my friendship with Mrs. D, although we rarely get to see each other, I enjoy talking to her on the phone.

This Thanksgiving was not only memorable because we spent it with our friends, it is memorable because only 20 minutes after they left Daisy started throwing up and Luke, Bo and HD started the next day and me the day after that.  Nothing like the flu over Thanksgiving.

 

I am so Thankful that my Mother and Grandparents moved here a year and a half ago.  I am even more thankful for the picture of my Grandparents sitting at my table, last year was hectic, we had 20 people for dinner and I am not even in one picture.  But at some point I took a picture of my Grandparents, this was the first Thanksgiving they had ever been at my home, I am really Thankful I got to cook my Grandpa such a feast.

We had Zack, Jess and their kids, Aunt Stacey and Aunt Ruth Anne, Dana, Joe and their kids as well.  

I am also very Thankful for this Blog!  I am always encouraged by you all.  Thank you for taking these journey's with me.  For more old pictorial fun go to We Are THAT Family.

Almost a good time...

One of my favorite people in the world my friend "S" came with her 3 children yesterday.  "S" lives over 3 hours away, we don't get together as much as we would like.  We plan and plan and the day comes and usually one of her 3 children or one of my 3 children become sick and we have to cancel.  Yesterday we were in the clear, not one of the six combined children had any type of illness not even a runny nose.

"S" arrived about 2 yesterday afternoon, we talked for 3 hours strait, which is simply wonderful.  Face to face talk is so valuable when most of our talk is over the phone.  Let me add now that we hugged no less than 10 times!  HD came home at 5 and by 6 we were all ready to go out to dinner.  At dinner "S" mentioned how cold it was, funny thing it wasn't cold....

She was very sick all night, I won't give you details you get the picture.  We had plans to make soup and pie today, let the kids play and visit all day.  She left at 11 only after she finally stopped getting sick long enough to leave.

We almost had a great time.  I am pretty sure a few of my kids drank after a few of her kids so you all know what that means.  

Now we wait!

Hope you all are having a great weekend.  I think when HD comes home we are going to go to the toy store and write down everything the kids want.  And then  the shopping can begin!

Sincerely Fro Me To You ~ A day I'll never forget

The day we buried my Grandpa was a beautiful sunny Saturday.  Honestly, I don't remember a whole lot about the morning or the rush to get ready.  I do however remember the lovely service.  One of my Grandpa's best friends Brother Ron, came from Mississippi to preach his service.  We had may laughs and tears as well.

On the way to the dinner in the bright sunny sky, we saw a rainbow.  I was just amazed!  Not a cloud in the sky and there was a big rainbow.  God is so good to my family, we were so glad God gave us this little gift on a day that was so sudden and unexpected, unexpected for us, but not God he knew....

The dinner was wonderful, we had country home cooking the kind that was my Grandpa's favorite.  We found ourselves again laughing, and I can tell you we were happy to be together, I know the only reason we could be happy, was very simple, my Grandpa left a legacy, he loved Christ he spend many years working to increase the kingdom and the moment he took his last breath he was in the presence of the Lord.  So for that I am truly happy.  I will always miss him, not a day has past in the last few weeks that I haven't thought about and cried about missing him.

For this weeks Fro Me To You I am sharing some photo's taken after the funeral.  We all have so much fun sharing pictures weekly, just head over to We are THAT family for more fun.

My Grandma and I, at the restaurant.

HD and I.  Not really sure why he has those glasses on or who they belong to...

Bo, outside of the funeral home, he is wearing my Grandpa's hat.

My family.

This is "S" one of my best friends in the whole world!  The day my Grandpa died, she dropped everything and came to help me for 4 days,  She handled my kids while we were planning the funeral, she cooked and cleaned, shopped and listened to me for hours on end.  She is one of a kind, I am so blessed to have her.  

A Baby Shower

Today we are celebrating my best friend Ruby Wife's baby! He will be coming soon, his due date is Oct 16. Dia, Ruby Wife's other best friend, and I are giving her a baby shower today, tonight actually. I am so excited for this new baby to enter our lives! One reason is that I want a baby so bad that I will get to sniff, hug and squeeze one very soon, and you just love your best friends kids it's a given, another reason is that Ruby Wife and her husband have been with us through the whole process of our vasectomy reversal and when we told them initially about the mistake we had made they were contemplating having one themselves, after hearing the heart break of our having a vasectomy and regretting it, they reconsidered, and God has blessed them with another child. I have always been very open about our reversal and I truly feel that for us it was a big mistake and I feel like many times people rush into a vasectomy with the stress of little children and regret it and if my and HD's story can help one family then I am glad to share.

We are going to play the "Don't say BABY" game in which ever woman gets a clothes pin and if she says BABY the clothes pin gets taken away by who ever hears it, the woman with the most clothes pins at the end of the night gets the prize. We are also playing a game where I printed the baby's name at the top of some pretty paper and we see how many different words we can come up with the woman with the most words wins. Ruby Wife was adamant NO wrapping Toilet paper around my large middle or I WILL KILL YOU, I think were her exact words.

Dia is in charge of Chicken salad sandwiches and cake. I am making Chicken Wing dip, BLT Dip a veggie tray and Reese Cup cookies.

I realize that I have yet to share my Chicken Wing Dip recipe with you, that is really a sad shame because it is so good, so warm and cheesy so so delicious.

The End.

Just kidding, but you will have to wait until tomorrow for my Chicken Wing Dip, only because I have to start school now. Did I tell you all that Twice Blessed Mommy was here? She is I have been holding babies already this morning.

Really come back tomorrow for the recipe, it's well worth it and you will be sending me XOXOXO on super bowl I swear!

My Summer Vacation

Just click the button above to be directed to all the fun!  Kristen has been planing and planing for this fun party for months!  She has door prizes and you will have fun just checking out all the vacation memories of all our blog friends.

I wanted to share a few of our summer travel memories with you today, I will start with Fort Lauderdale.

We woke up to this beautiful sunrise each and every morning!  It was around 85 degrees out side at 6am when we woke up.

Luke enjoyed covering Daisy in sand.

Reese wasn't sure about the sand.

Tate was sure, sure he didn't like it!

Bo was very happy to be on vacation!

We went to a Polynesian Dinner Theater, it is was not as fun as we had thought it would be, it was very loud and Luke got a really bad head ache.  And for a family of 5 it cost over $250, which made me about choke to death....

Here is a lovely picture of our children in the belly of a shark.  This is at Cabala's.  My sweet husband, bless his heart, thinks that we have to go to every major hunting store in the country.

HD made friends with the Pool Guy and he gave us fresh coconuts daily to drink.

My 3 guys looking for shells

I would love to tell you that I was fishing, but I was just posing for this picture with HD's new fishing pole.

Luke loved the fish that HD caught

This is the kids trying not to get dirty

Our last day in Ft Lauderdale 

Then after the gas prices never came down we decided to have a Staycation which means that we stayed home for vacation and we had our whole family come for the 4th of July.

My mother

My niece C and Daisy

This is HD's Mama

This is my Father-in-law 

This is my sister-in-law Jess

Look at the look on my nephew R and Luke's face after hours of the WII

My Grandpa and Grandma

Ruby Wife and her husband and children joined us for a lovely 4th

This is HD and his baby brother Zack

My mom with Bo and Daisy

Here is our soldier girl Regan with her nieces and nephews

Here I am with Jess, we stayed up until about 2 am talking

All the kids

TBM and TBD with their babies at their first family bonfire

Oh Marshmallows are so good with the ones you love!

I hope you have enjoyed my a walk through my summer!  Don't forget to go check out all the fun at We Are THAT Family.

Sincerely Fro Me To You ~ Age 15

Last week I mentioned one of my BFF's from middle school and high school, Danielle.  Danielle and I had many adventures together.  I was rumbling though my photo drawer and came a cross this photo of us together we were going on a double date.  We were 15.  I am first of all amazed that I was able to get my hair that high.  And that I really really don't look 15, I look way older that 15.  I met HD the next year and have I ever told you all that he is 4 years older, well he is, and I obviously looked much older than I was,  I lied y'all I told him I was 18 and he was too much in love when he found out the truth...  But that's a story for another day.

So here is Danielle and I.  I really need to give her a call, she probably has no idea I have a blog more or less that I would place a picture of her on the web...  I'm sure she wouldn't mind we were cute!

Now hurry to We Are THAT Family for more photo fun!!!

My blog friend

I mentioned last week how much this blog means to me and that I have made so many friends here.  Well on Sunday evening I actually talked on the phone to a blog friend!  Mandigirl Muses, we have become like this (I am crossing my fingers here)!!!  She is just an amazing blogger, wife and mother of 2 children here and one baby boy in heaven she is a Christian, and I am so glad we have become friends.  I can't even begin to explain how much fun it was to talk in real life.  Amanda is also very talented, she is helping me make my blog look fabulous, well she is making my blog look fabulous and she will teach me how to make some changes also.  So please if you haven't read Mandigirl Muses please check it out, and watch for the changes she is making they will be great!

Everyone went home

Everyone left today.  I was really sad.  I had so much fun with my cousin Emily!  We stayed up till after midnight every night she was here and last night we stayed up until 2:30 in the morning, we laughed until we cried.  I haven't had that much fun just talking in a long time!  I am so glad we got to have a few days together (and I know you read this Emily so I miss you already and can't wait for you to visit again) and can't wait to do it again.

On Tuesday my grandpa and I took my grandma to see a doctor, a psychiatrist to be honest, she has been forgetting things and not normal 77 year old forgetting and sadly my grandma has been diagnosed with the beginning stages of Alzheimer's, I can't really say I am surprised because I kind of already knew,that's why I made the appointment but the thinking she has Alzheimer's and the knowing she has it is very different.  She started taking a medication today that will slow the effects of the Alzheimer's.  I was able to really put this horrible news out of my mind while our company was here and that made it much easier.  My grandma is in very high hopes that the medication will work for her and we all are relying on God to work this all out for his glory.  I just love her so much ...

Tonight we had our small group and Ruby wife who is one of my best friends is in the group and I tell you I have kept it together really well all week and I just fell apart this  evening on her, I am very thankful that even though my grandma needs me to be strong I have a wonderful best friend who is there for me with such Godly advice I can't begin to tell you how great it was to have my awesome husband on one side of me and my loving friend on the other letting me blubber like a baby, and I felt better really I did.  I needed to cry I think it's the first time since I found out that I have aloud myself to really let it all out.  Thank you Ruby Wife for being such a good friend and always being there for me!  I love you! 

So I had a long week and since my camera is broken I can't even show you any pictures.  I think that my cousin sent me some so I will post pictures later.

My friend and a list

We have the day off from watching my friends little girl, the friend who is in the hospital.  She is still pretty much unable to walk but no longer paralyzed, she is getting stronger each day.  It has been hard on Daisy having a little girl around, she is a bit jealous, and clingy.  I keep explaining to her that we are serving her family by helping with "K", and that it makes God happy when we help others.

I can't even imagine not having control over who is watching or where people are taking my kids while I was unable to walk or take care of them.  My friend has found comfort in knowing that "K" is with us every day, (we pick her up at 8 and take her back at 4) so as long as she is in the hospital she will be with us.

So temporarily, God has blessed me with a fourth child, not exactly what I had been praying for, funny how God does that to us sometimes to teach us things, but still I love her and am caring for her like she is mine while she is here with us and thankful for the opportunity.

Today is total home cleaning!  Four kids is hard work and the house is a mess.  We are changing sheets washing clothes and mopping floors.  I want to take the kids on a walk before it gets to hot so I better go.  

Pray for my friend.  Pray for her husband and 4 children who really need her!  

And a list of the top 10 house hold chores in order from not so bad to I hate to do!

10. dishes

9. vacuum

8. changing sheets

7. windows

6. dusting

5. bathrooms

4. laundry

3. folding laundry

2. mopping

1. changing cat litter

I love this blog

I never dreamed last year when I started this blog that it would mean so much to me...  That all of you would mean so much to me!  Thank you all for being the encouraging words that I needed!  

I am starting to feel better this evening, I spent my day shopping a trying to start our packing, we leave in 4 days for sunny Ft Lauderdale, which will for sure make my week much better!

I really just wanted to say thanks, thanks for your prayers, thanks for your friendship although we may never meet face to face I know so many of you are my friends and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

And as for not being pregnant, I am at peace that God is going to bless this family in his time, and I know in my heart this was not the right time, and I can see his hand of protection.

And for the male readers in my audience, Uncle Joe, Tally, sorry about all the womanly talk, but you guys know I am just keeping it real.

Sincerely Fro Me To You ~ at age 14

I am sharing a photo from a birthday party.  I think this was the first party that after the parents went to sleep, we went out and toilet papered the boy down the streets trees, bushes and family car.  We didn't do this because he were in love with him, we didn't do this because we had a crush, we did this because he was the only boy that lived close enough....   Matt Reesinger, if you ever stumble on this blog of mine I hope it made your day, I hope your parents weren't to mad, you really were a nice boy.

In the first picture I am receiving my signature scent back in 92, Tea Rose perfume.  And take notice I have my nails done even back then they were rose petal pink (to go with my Rose smell) with matching lip gloss, and of course I had blue eye liner on because pink and blue look great together!

How do you all like the shark hair do?  How I ever got that up on one side I will never know.  And then I made little spirals on the sides and held the whole stringy mess back with a scrunchy to match my outfit.  I probably owned 100 of those ugly things.

This picture is me on the far right and sad to say for the other girls, I am only 5'4 so those two are really short.  In the middle is Janelle remember the post about Janelle with the parents always gone so I had my first kiss at her house.  And the girl on the left was my childhood best friend Robyn, she moved onto my street when we were 10, were we inseparable for many years. Robyn was from Tenn, and I was born a Northerner (turned country), anyway Robyn said things like Howdy (which meant hello) and Mater and Tater (which to my surprise meant tomatoes and potatoes) and funny things like cut on the light and cut off the light, oh and shut the Winder (which means please close the window)   I went to my first concert with Robyn, it was Reba, and she was singing Fancy in a red dress, we knew each and every word, I don't think my grandma had any idea what we were listening to!  Robyn and I played baby dolls and barbies, learned to put make-up on and then I stood by her side as she a single teenage girl of just barely 18 gave birth to her son.  I talk to Robyn about once a year, I hope she is doing well!  We haven't seen each other face to face for 10 years.