Friday, July 18, 2008

Love or respect?

*Originally posted back when I was the only one reading my blog...  I have to say after this post, Daddy has always called me when being late.  I thought you all might enjoy this post.

Yesterday, Daddy was 20 minutes late coming home from work... Let me start by saying "I" forgot to put his cell phone in his lunchbox... Needless to say Daddy did not call me to tell me he was running late. At 5 minutes late on bible study night I'm thinking did he stop and drop off the trash? At 7 minutes dinner is now cold, (shrimp scampi that I worked hard to make at just the right time so it would not taste rubbery and it would be ready the minute Daddy walks in the door) and rubbery. At 10 minutes I page him which does no good HE DOES NOT HAVE A PHONE! At 12 minutes I pray that God would deliver him home safe and that I would stop thinking irrationally! At 15 minutes I pray again that Daddy would be safe that The pit in my stomach would leave oh and God please bring him home safe! At 17 minutes I yet again remind God I am flawed I am experiencing FEAR real FEAR, I them rebuke FEAR remind myself God loves Daddy more than I do and that God will bring him home safely... At 20 minutes Daddy gets home, I give God all the glory for delivering Daddy home before he even walks in the door. At which point I have two choices 1. Greet Daddy with open arms and tell him I was wondering where you were, I am so glad you are home safe, here is dinner darling and hurry so we are not late for bible study... or 2.I can say I can not believe you did not call me, did I or did I not buy you a watch, for crying out loud you work for the phone company you could have called to tell your wife "I will be a few minutes late darling" have you meet me you knew i would worry about you, What I 'm I supposed to think when you are 20 minutes late I should never have to be subjected to unnecessary fear that you have been in a tragic accident on the highway...
You will never believe which option I choose, I wish I could say I am always a pillar of strength and can rebuke Fear and be quick to listen and slow to anger, But I am not, I shamefully choose 2...
Daddy of course did not apologise for being late he told me I needed to apologise for yelling at him. I never let the kids know I was worried about Daddy being late so when he got home and I blew up at him they were like what in the world is wrong with mommy. He felt disrespected and I felt disrespected, we then had to leave for bible study.
At bible study we were doing a video program on love and respect (boy is God funny or what) before we got in the car I told Daddy and the kids I was sorry that I had gotten so mad at Daddy, that even though Daddy was late I should not have yelled at him. Daddy forgave me and quickly apologised for not calling and letting me know he was running late.
The video program talked about how woman want to be loved and men want to be respected, I think we want them both. I know Daddy loves me, He never hesitates to tell or show me, I felt very disrespected when he did not call me, after 14 years together Daddy knows that makes me crazy it always has and probably always will, but I never and I repeat never have felt unloved.
Daddy also knows I love him with all my heart, which is why after I was scared to death he was hurt or worse I just freaked out -good reason- NO, Anger and fear go hand in hand and are both sinful, I was disrespectful and so was Daddy. I am so glad in our marriage that we never let the sun go down without forgiving each other to tell the truth we have never not even once walked away from a disagreement without a resolution right then and there, I love that about us.
We of course shared and laughed at ourselves with the other couples at bible study, we allowed God to show us both a valuable lesson WE LOVE EACH OTHER AND RESPECT EACH OTHER and need to act like it because actions do speak louder than words especially while our children are watching...
I am ever praying for peace and a sound mind that I will not sir come to fear, it's hard to untrain your mind, but I will continue to pray daily for this area of my life and mind so God can bring me into the place of peace he intends for me to have, I have come so far in the battle over fear it almost never even bothers me anymore, but obviously still have some work to do. (Daddy called tonight at 4 to let me know he had been approved for over time and would be running late) I just LOVE him.
So I guess my conclusion is every marriage needs a good dose of both love and respect, men however really need to feel respected 9 times out of 10 they know they are loved but question how much their wives really respect them. I asked Daddy do I fall short on the respect in our marriage and even after my little episode he said I know you respect me and love me, I was glad that I am able to give Daddy what he really needs and wants in a wife. I also feel respected and loved and very fulfilled as a wife.


Amy said...

That's sounds like me. A couple of weeks ago, (PMS) I thought I was going to tell Andy how to "run the show". I screamed about how he's never home anymore, never cleans anything, needs to play with Madi more, etc. The next morning in church the topic was The Mans Needs to Run His Home! I looked over at Andy who had the biggest smirk on his face! The man has rarely ever started a fight with me in 16 yrs and is so quick to forgive me when I argue (nag) with him. We are blessed to have such good husbands. Sometimes we need to give them a break. Andy's B-Day is tomorrow and I told him I would give him a Nag Free day. We'll see how it goes!

Giovanna said...

I so wish I knew you.
Just a small dose of you a day would make me a better person.
At least I got your blog :)

Amy said...

My husband and I are celebrating our 16th anniversary next week and for the first 3/4 of our marriage what you described is exactly how it was for us! We have both grown and have come to a better place -- but no matter who it is, if you are worried, sometimes it is hard to control the emotions that go with (usually anger)! I enjoyed reading your post!

We are THAT Family said...

Oh my! This reminds me of the first few months I was married and my hubby was late-from fishing! I soon learned that all fisherman are late- you know just one more cast!

I called the police because I was so worried! And then when he finally got home, I made him call my parents and apologize because I called them hysterical and had the whole family getting ready for a search party!

Stacy said...

Just wait until Luke is 20 minutes late!!!!

Our daddy was two hours late coming home from a church board meeting. I was a nervous wreck ---- until another wife called me and said, "John isn't home yet and I am really worried. How long ago did Tony get there?".

Then I knew. They were talking.

So I drove to the church.... there he was, with John standing in the parking lot talking. I rolled the window down and told my husband, "I thought you were dead in a ditch! And when you get home, you're gonna wish you were!" Then I peeled out in the gravel for a little extra effect.

Twenty minutes???? Come on Happymommy! That's not THAT late.

gretchen from lifenut said...

I go through this worry every time my husband is unusually late coming home from work.

His commute is about an hour in the evenings, with a lot of unpredictable traffic. I know this, but the fear still gets to me.

Funny how I never worry about him getting TO work...?

We did this same study in the marriage group at our church.

Kelly said...

I can totally relate to this post. But my favorite part is the first line where you say "I" forgot to put his cell phone in his lunchbox. Very true!

Becky said...

I've spent a lot of time studying anger and our pastor did a really great study on did his wife, our bible study teacher in women's ministry, and I just want to share with you that anger is not sinful.

I haven't researched fear...but I suspect that it is not a sin either. Fear is not from the Lord, the Bible says He has not given us a spirit of fear, but I don't know if it is sinful.

Anyhoo...anger is not a sin. It is a neutral alarm that happens to us to let us know that something is not right. Sometimes it is a protective thing, sometimes there is a righteous anger (mainly that is God's anger), but anger is not sinful.

The key is what you do with that anger. God's word says "Be angry and do not sin"...and if Jesus was perfect, which we believe He was, and He was without sin, then the Bible would not have depicted Him getting angry and overturning the tables in the temple.

My point is, obviously, not to correct you, but to encourage you that you are correct not to let the sun go down on your anger...but don't feel sinful for something that is a neutral emotion that God doesn't condemn. We are merely warned about it.

So...I loved reading this and I also loved the love and respect series...You are a blog friend that I love to death!

The long winded Maid

Happy Mommy said...

Thank you for your comment! I know you are a true blog friend and your counsel is well received! I do know that anger is not a sin, but the words that come flowing freely out of my mouth that are very hurtful when I am angry are! As well as the way I act when I am fearful and the things I say then too....
I am alway trying to be more like Christ and less like me, ya know!

Becky said...

All I see is a gigantic dose of Jesus and His love when I look at you! ;)

Wish I knew ya fer real! :)

The Maid

PS - I hope I didn't come across sounding like a know it all...I am so not...I just wanted to let you know that you are loved by God and others and His grace is sufficient!